I was born in my body and my parents told me to follow my body. I never choose, I never imagine living in another body. My mama always says that it is good to be what you are, and I’m standing here like “whoa, how beautiful I am”.
The more I grow the more I think what’s surrounding me, I see skinny bodies, white skins seems like a right definition of beautiful woman. I start to forget who was I, I start to throw who was I, I decided to not care about who was I. I tried all different kind of expensive make-up, I tried expensive treatments for my body and I tried to be somebody else, somebody who can sit with anyone.
It really hurts to be somebody else, but what can I do to make them love me? It seems like this whole body couldn’t be a perfect definition of word “pretty”. My belly shaking every day, every moment when I pretend. I pretend to be you, to be her, to be them and who the heck was I?
Every day is so exciting for me to hear what people say who adore my fake appearance, who adore my stupid lies. The more I pretend and the more I lie, the closer they’ll sit with me.
But this lie has been bigger than I imagine, it becomes really big like a balloon that starts to explode.
It is that time when finally when my balloon of fakeness start to explode, they know who the heck was I and they regret being close to me. Close with my fakeness. This disappointed feeling, they have to throw me back to center realization that I can’t be somebody else, that I can’t be she or her but just to be me.
I wanna knock the door of the real me and apologize for stupid me. I just wanna say to my body, “hey it’s me, I’m back from a long road of pretending”. I decided to love who I am and what really appears on my body. Running back to my Creator to apologize that I forget how precious was I.